Guides
Understand the patterns
Short, sourced guides on red flags, green flags, boundaries and repair — written to answer the question in the title, not to keep you scrolling.
In this series
Yellow flags
In this series
Red flags
- 6 min readStart here
What is a red flag? Definition and examples
A red flag is a repeated behaviour that undermines trust, safety or respect. Checking a partner’s phone without consent is one example.
Learn more - 6 min read
Is my partner a red flag? 12 behaviours to look at — and what they are not
How to tell a partner’s red flag from a rough patch: twelve observable behaviours, what each may mean, what it does not prove and what to do next.
Learn more - 5 min read
Red flag vs toxic behaviour: why the word matters
"Toxic" is a verdict; "red flag" is an observation. The difference in one table, and how to describe behaviour precisely enough to change it — or to leave.
Learn more - 4 min read
Red flag or ick? The difference
An ick is a sudden turn-off over something harmless; a red flag is a repeated behaviour that undermines trust. How to tell them apart.
Learn more - 5 min read
Red flags while texting: 10 behaviours to notice in messages
Demanding instant replies, "you were online", silence as punishment, screenshots used against you: ten texting red flags and four false alarms.
Learn more - 6 min read
Dating red flags: what to look at on the first dates
Early red flags are subtler: how they treat the waiter, the pace they push, whether words match actions. Twelve early signals and five false alarms.
Learn more - 7 min read
Signs of a toxic relationship: 12 behaviours to recognise
A relationship turns toxic when the same behaviours keep coming back and cost you: eggshells, punishing silence, keeping score. 12 signs and a free test.
Learn more - 5 min read
Relationship boundaries: how to set one without a fight
What a boundary is (and is not), why "no" feels dangerous, a four-part formula for setting one calmly, and how to tell a boundary from control.
Learn more - 5 min read
Red flag vs yellow flag: what is the difference?
A yellow flag is a behaviour worth watching; a red flag is one that keeps coming back and cannot be discussed. Examples, a comparison table, what to do.
Learn more - 7 min read
Signs of controlling behaviour in a relationship
Controlling behaviour shrinks your choices one small rule at a time. Nine concrete signs, control vs care, and when safety comes before talking.
Learn more
In this series
Green & beige flags
- 4 min readStart here
Green flags in a relationship: what they actually look like
A green flag is a repeated behaviour that builds trust: a clean apology, a limit respected the first time. Definition, 12 examples, your green flag score.
Learn more - 4 min read
What is a beige flag?
A beige flag is a harmless, oddly specific habit, like narrating your cooking to nobody. 12 examples, beige vs red vs green, and a quiz to find yours.
Learn more
In this series
Delulu
In this series
Talking it through
- 6 min readStart here
How to communicate after an argument (without starting another one)
A step-by-step repair conversation: when to come back, what to say first, the sentences that reopen the door and the ones that slam it. With scripts.
Learn more - 6 min read
Are we compatible? 16 questions couples avoid — and how to ask them
Compatibility is less about being alike than knowing where you differ. Sixteen questions across eight dimensions, and how to ask each without a fight.
Learn more
In this series
Attachment styles
In this series
Relationship health
- 7 min readStart here
Healthy vs unhealthy relationship: how to tell the difference
A healthy relationship is not one without conflict: it is one where conflict gets repaired. Seven areas compared, bad week vs pattern, and what to do next.
Learn more - 6 min read
Signs someone is emotionally unavailable
Hot and cold, deflecting, never talking about later: eight signs of emotional unavailability, how it differs from being slow to open, and what helps.
Learn more
In this series
Group chats
In this series
Texting effort
In this series
Dating-pool maths
In this series